Engaging Your Child with Autism in Therapy Through Play: A Strengths-Based Guide for Families
Trauma-Informed Strategies for Connection and Engagement
Engaging a child on the spectrum in a therapeutic or learning activity often requires rethinking our approach. A trauma-informed, neurodiversity-affirming mindset means we prioritize the child’s sense of safety and autonomy, and we respect their unique way of experiencing the world. Here are some practical strategies that put this philosophy into action:
1. Follow the Child’s Lead (Join Their World): Instead of immediately directing the play, allow your child to show you what interests them. Do they line up toy cars, bounce on a ball, fixate on a particular story? Join in that activity alongside them. Dr. Robert Jason Grant’s AutPlay® framework calls this the “Follow Me Approach,” a child-led play philosophy to meet engagement and relationship needs . If your little one is stacking blocks, you might quietly start stacking your own blocks next to them. If they’re spinning in circles, you could gently join by holding hands and spinning together if they’re okay with it. By following their lead, you show that you accept their world – a crucial trust-builder. In a very real sense, play says “I see you and I’m with you,” which is far less threatening than a barrage of questions or commands.
2. Create Safety and Predictability: Trauma-informed care emphasizes that people of any age cope better when they know what to expect. Talk with your child’s therapist about how to make sessions feel more predictable. This might involve using visual schedules or picture cards to preview the day’s activities, keeping routines consistent (e.g. starting each session with the same warm-up game or hello song), and giving warnings before transitions (“in 5 minutes, we’ll start clean-up”). At home, you can role-play or describe what happens in therapy so it’s not a mystery. The goal is to reduce fear of the unknown. When children feel secure, their natural curiosity and engagement can emerge. Conversely, if they’re bracing for a surprise or a sudden change, they can’t relax enough to play and learn.
3. Go at Your Child’s Pace: Pushing an anxious or overwhelmed child to engage faster usually backfires. It’s perfectly okay if early sessions are just about getting comfortable in the room, or if your child spends most of the time playing near the therapist rather than with them. Patience is truly a virtue here. In his work with resistant children, Dr. Crenshaw emphasizes that we must “respect the pace set by the child – one that the child can safely sustain.” In fact, forcing progress too quickly can be re-traumatizing. Trust that small steps lead to big gains: maybe today your child only observes the therapist blowing bubbles from a distance, but next week they inch closer, and a month later they’re taking turns popping the bubbles. Celebrate these small victories. By letting the child’s comfort level guide the speed of therapy, you’re honoring their needs and building a foundation of safety that will ultimately allow for deeper engagement.
4. Offer Choices and Collaboration: Many autistic kids, like any kids with a history of feeling unheard or powerless, respond well to having a sense of control. Empower your child with simple choices: “Would you like to play with the puppets or the sandbox today?” or “Do you want Mom/Dad to sit next to you, or over on the couch?” Even if the options are limited, the act of being given a choice can reduce resistance. It shows respect for your child’s autonomy. Similarly, involve them (as much as they’re able) in creating the rules of therapy games or establishing a signal if they need a break. When children feel that therapy is something done with them, not to them, their engagement naturally increases.
5. Use Special Interests as Bridges: Nearly every child with Autism has one or more deep interests or favorite topics – whether it’s trains, dinosaurs, Minecraft, a certain cartoon, or even an object like a red ball. These interests are incredibly powerful motivators and sources of joy. Weave them into therapy and play. If your child loves Thomas the Tank Engine, the therapist might introduce toy trains to teach turn-taking or make up social stories set in a train station. If they adore drawing superheroes, use that for emotional expression (“Let’s draw a superhero and give them different color powers for each feeling”). By incorporating what already lights up your child, you’re speaking their language and showing you value what they love. This strengths-based strategy turns therapy from a chore into something inherently rewarding for the child.
6. Nonverbal and Creative Communication: Remember that communication isn’t just about talking. Many children – especially those who are minimally verbal or who just don’t like discussing emotions – can communicate and process feelings through art, music, movement, or storytelling. Dr. Crenshaw’s book Engaging Resistant Children in Therapy highlights the use of projective play techniques like drawing and storytelling. He found that when a therapist tells a brief story and invites the child to draw or continue the story, it “lays the groundwork for the child to express thoughts or feelings” indirectly . The child’s drawings or made-up stories give a peek into their inner world, which they might otherwise be too shy or afraid to share. In one of Crenshaw’s stories, these creative activities act as “bridges to a child’s inner-life,” allowing even disconnected kids to safely let you into what they’re thinking and feeling . You can try this at home: draw alongside your child (no judgements about the art!), or use puppets to act out scenarios. Often, children will project their worries or hopes onto the characters, giving you insight and opening up gentle conversation.
7. Make Therapy Playful at Home: Therapy isn’t just a once-a-week event in an office – the real growth happens when its spirit is integrated into daily life. Try to infuse a bit of playfulness and connection into your routine at home. This doesn’t mean you need to be your child’s therapist; it simply means spending 10-15 minutes a day on the floor with them, letting them be in charge of a play activity. You might be surprised how this regular playtime improves cooperation and your mutual understanding. Additionally, therapists often have great ideas for therapeutic play you can do between sessions. For example, simple turn-taking games (rolling a ball back and forth), sensory play (like a rice or water bin to splash hands in), or pretend play scenarios (“Let’s pretend to have a tea party and practice asking each other for things”) can reinforce the skills from therapy in a fun, low-pressure way.
8. Partner with Your Child’s Therapist (You Are Part of the Team): A neurodiversity-affirming approach values parents and children as partners in the therapy process . You bring invaluable expertise about your child – their history, what works and what doesn’t, their triggers and comforts – and a good therapist will welcome that. Don’t hesitate to share your insights or to speak up if something in therapy doesn’t feel right. A collaborative therapist might invite you to join sessions or will at least debrief with you regularly to share progress and strategies. This teamwork ensures consistency between therapy and home, and it models for your child that all the grownups in their life are united in supporting them. It’s also perfectly okay to advocate for a therapist who truly “gets” your child – someone who respects your child’s neurotype (neurological makeup) and isn’t trying to force them to be somebody they’re not. Therapy should never be about changing the essence of your child; it’s about helping them thrive as themselves.
Seeing the Brilliance: Embracing a Strengths-Based Perspective
One of the most transformative shifts for families can be moving from a deficit-based view (“my child can’t do X like other kids”) to a strengths-based view (“my child has amazing strengths Y and Z, and those will help with X in their own time”). The neurodiversity movement, championed by autistic self-advocates and professionals alike, invites us to see neurological differences like autism as natural variations of the human brain – not as broken versions of “normal.” As psychologist Dr. Thomas Armstrong puts it, we should avoid pathologizing kids just because they think or learn differently; having a different kind of brain is no more a “disorder” than having a different ethnicity or culture . Just as biodiversity makes an ecosystem stronger, neurodiversity makes humanity richer. Your child isn’t less than – they are uniquely themselves, with strengths that deserve to be celebrated.
Take a moment to reflect on your child’s gifts. It could be a remarkable memory for facts, an eye for detail, a creative imagination, honesty and authenticity, a gentle empathy for animals, or perseverance in areas they care about. These qualities are not random; they’re often part and parcel of being neurodivergent. For instance, Dr. Armstrong notes that individuals on the autism spectrum often have a special facility with systems or patterns – think of skills that might lend themselves to things like computer programming, mathematics, music, or solving puzzles . Now, your child might be far from writing code (or maybe they’re surprisingly good at it!), but you’ve probably noticed some areas where they excel or engage deeply when others do not. By recognizing those “extraordinary gifts” , we as parents can shift the narrative from disability to different-ability.
Adopting a strengths-based, neurodiversity-affirming mindset has real benefits for your child’s development and self-esteem. When therapy leverages a child’s strengths and interests, they often make faster progress because they’re building on what they’re naturally good at. More importantly, when a child feels that the adults in their life see and value their strengths, it feeds an internal sense of pride instead of shame. They start to learn, “It’s okay that I’m different. I have cool things about me, and I can use them to grow.” This doesn’t ignore the real difficulties they may face – it simply means we approach those challenges through a positive, empowering lens. In fact, leading thinkers like Armstrong argue that “until an individual’s strengths have been recognized, celebrated, and worked with, nothing substantial can be accomplished” in addressing their difficulties . In practical terms, this could mean a therapist first finds out that a child with Autism loves drawing, and uses that talent to help them communicate – only later tackling a harder skill like social greeting once the child feels confident and understood through their art. Strengths become the building blocks for new growth.
For parents, viewing your child through a strengths-based lens can be liberating and joyful. It allows you to step off the relentless treadmill of “fixing” and instead spend more time connecting. Every child, autism or not, thrives on feeling accepted. When your child sees that you genuinely appreciate their quirky sense of humor or their encyclopedic knowledge about insects, that is therapeutic in itself. It builds the parent-child bond and gives your child the resilience to handle difficulties down the road. So celebrate those victories – no matter how small or quirky they may seem to others. Your child lining up toys in a perfect row might not look like a big deal, but maybe it shows incredible focus and organization. Them scripting a scene from a favorite TV show for the hundredth time might actually demonstrate a profound memory and love of storytelling. These are threads of strength you can gently weave into broader skills. For example, their passion for a topic could be the key to unlocking social interaction (finding clubs, classes, or peers who share the interest) or academic success in a related area.
In a strengths-based, neurodiversity-affirming approach, we work with the child we have, not against them. Instead of trying to make the child fit a mold, we expand the mold to fit the child. We ask: How can we modify the environment and expectations to help this child shine? This might involve advocating at school for accommodations that play to your child’s strengths (like allowing a child who’s an awesome visual thinker to draw their book report instead of doing an oral presentation). In therapy, it means setting goals that honor the child’s personality – for instance, teaching communication not to extinguish their unique voice, but to give them tools to express what’s important to them in a way others can understand.
Above all, keep in mind that your attitude as a parent greatly influences your child’s self-image. When you focus on their strengths, they learn to see themselves as capable and gifted. And when you approach their challenges with empathy – “I know loud noises really bother you, let’s find a way to make this easier” – they internalize that they’re supported, not broken. This empowers them to engage more confidently in therapy and life. After all, a child who feels loved and respected for who they are will be more open to growth than one who feels constantly “not good enough.”
Conclusion: Empowerment Through Play and Love
Engaging your child with Autism in therapy is truly a journey of the heart. It’s a journey that asks for patience, creativity, and compassion – for your child and for yourself as a parent. By focusing on play-based, child-centered approaches, you’re making therapy a positive and even joyful experience. You’re saying to your child, “I am here with you, I accept you, and I believe in you.” And that message, more than any specific therapeutic technique, is what heals and connects.
As you move forward, remember that progress may look different for your child – and that’s okay. One day you might suddenly see them use a skill from play therapy at home, like asking a sibling to trade toys instead of grabbing, or taking a deep breath because their therapist taught them through a game. Cherish those moments. Change often happens in tiny increments that add up to something beautiful over time. If setbacks occur (and they will), return to the basics: safety, playfulness, understanding. There is always another opportunity to try again tomorrow.
Importantly, you are not alone on this path. Collaborate with therapists, support groups, or other parents who “get it.” Celebrate the good days and seek support on the hard days. Your dedication itself is a testament to your child of how deeply they are loved.
Engaging a child with Autism in therapy through play isn’t about curing autism – it’s about opening channels for your child to grow into the happiest, most fulfilled version of themselves. It’s about building a family life where your child’s unique way of being is respected and where therapy is not a battle, but a partnership. With a trauma-informed approach, you ensure your child feels safe. With a neurodiversity-affirming approach, you ensure they feel valued. With play, you speak to them in their language.
Every playful interaction, every strength you nurture, every moment of understanding – those are the building blocks of resilience and connection. You are helping your child write their own story, one where they can thrive and shine. And in that story, your love and advocacy are the heroes behind the scenes. Keep playing, keep believing, and watch your beautiful child soar in their own way.